Everything in it's right place.

I think sometimes i need a kick in the face.

This morning i sulked. My girlfriend was pretending to sulk, so i took this as an opportunity to sulk too. I hate sulking(although i take my opportunities), because you never look at what you have, the fantastic love that you share with somebody, the university you are so lucky to go to, the fact that you have your legs........ the promises you have to look forward too......... You just look at all the bad stuff. Stuff that isn't really bad, it's just a circumstance, and something you can't change, but something that will change with time.

As a man you like to be able to do what you want, now, fuck time and it's constraints. And if you can't, you have to adapt.... and, as my brother will tell you, as a species we fucking hate change. I've had alot of change over the past few months, but if i could only explain how amazing i feel as a result of it, i'd probably get a book published.

So as a result of my sulking, which didn't really need to happen, i made my girlfriend panic.
I don't mean to make you feel like that babe, and i was in the shower, and my mum ran in wielding the phone, so i paniced. And any panicing that occurs is worse cos it's over the phone, as I can't be won over by puppy dog eyes, or nibble an ear lobe, no, we're just left with silence.

Then i let my jealous side get the better of me, which i also hate. I can't change it cos I like protecting her, I have to protect her as she doesn't realise how gorgeous she is, and most guys do. I can't protect her most of the time as there's a fucking country and ocean in the way so i channel that protecting against the easiest target, a lovely bloke who looks out for her and who i get on with rather well. Good job Mike, clever man. So therefore I am an idiot and i do need a kick in the face.

I think we both get frustrated with the situation we are in. But it could be a hell of alot worse. Imagine if you had started university already, what if there was no skype, no ryanair. Dean talks about these companies like they are scum, but they don't half help.

So, älskling, get your tests done, nail them. I am doing fine here with my uni work, it is bloody boring, but i gotta do it. There's a future out there and the future needs you and me to get good grades. February will come quickly enough. And you'll be over here after your exams to see Alex as well!
There'll come a day where we'll want time to stand still, fucking time. But it won't, nor will it speed up, so lets just sit together, and wait it out with eachother. Doin a good job darlin.

Gonna get my haircut now, get some food and do some more work. I wonder if anybody else actually reads this?

P.s.

Men are from Mars and women? Who the fuck knows?.......

I have figured out finally that whatever i think my girlfriend is thinking when she is in a bad mood, or looking suspicious or sulking or whatever.... is the exact opposite of what she is actually thinking.
I have a pretty good idea about what she wants when she wants it, and how she works. But those little thoughts, when she's staring into space or looking mad, and her brain is doing flips.... they are not a man's territory. We should just sit and shut up, and maybe go get some chocolate, leave it in the room near her, and leave for a bit, then return and put the empty wrapper in the bin, none the wiser as to what has happened. And then go to sleep.

So here is an example of me thinking she's mad about something and thinking i'm really clever in figuring this out, when in fact, she is writing this........... now this is a rough translation from Swedish as she is Swedish which makes these matters a bit harder........ but i tried to translate roughly what she said.....


Envy

Okay. Said London has been great. Until today. Today show everything. Money Problems and humor problem for my part. Went with the UCL this morning for the study, but received a message from Johanna who did that I just spent the morning having to worry and be damned

Sen said humor was no problem. 2. After Mike's lessons, we met a few of his buddies, 2 boys and a girl. As usual, necks, I happily (although I was not happy said) and take in hand and stuff, trying to be social, and the entire LITTLE SONG. I was rather surprised that the guys looked audited on me and then on the other girl, as if they compared the length or anything. Was later told (by Dean) that she was Mike's former girlfriend. Fun in July, I say da only, know damn well that the first broad willow told her that everyone can compare me and her. As if I am a little show bloody items for to prove that he is man enough to acquire new girl.

I will be fine so tired of everything. Yes, I am avundjuk. I tend not to be there, but I do not see the point that lazy me meet the bride.

What's the fucking point?


.....so yea, the translator wasn't all that..... but this illustrates my point that i have no idea what is going on in her pretty little head, but i will keep trying.

xXxXxXxxXxXxXxXxXx

Time Killer

So Nicole's coming in about 2 hours now. I can't describe how excited I am, it feels like christmas eve, i have this kind of giddy feeling in my stomach. I've had a shower and had some food and played the computer and tried to sleep and realised that my brother fed Bjorn till he weighed 97pounds and i've basically just been trying to kill time......

It's been two weeks since i've seen her, and it hasn't been that bad to be honest. I still miss her everyday but we are good at talkin on the phone now, so we know how eachother is feeling, we can get our feelings across down the phone. Good work team.

I'm gonna leave for the airport soon cos i can't sit here anymore waiting, I am so bloody excited.. did i mention that?
We have loadsa stuff to do when she gets here, gonna meet her friend Johanna in London tomorrow and go to the cinema, then go out drinking in my town, then she has to stand and watch me play football on sunday morning (which I love her for doing but she's gonna get cold, realise it's just angry blokes running around a field and then probably write on her blog about it).

So yea, basically i'm bloody excited, i'm just killing time writing on here and now there's an England game on which will keep me busy until i gotta go. Just had a shower and sorted out our room and now i'm gonna put on some deodorant, gel my hair and brush my teeth.... and get my arse to Stansted

loneliness of the long distance runner

I don't see anybody anymore, I've started back at university for my 3rd yr and all of my mates are doing different courses this yr. There's a few people i know on my course but i don't really hang out with them or just go and get a coffee with them... (not that i drink coffee but i can't say i'm going for a cup of tea). So i end up studying on my own for hours every day.

Last year we'd all come out of lectures at the same time and go down to the bar and have lunch or go to the coffee place and i wouldn't drink coffee, but the point was they were always around.

And the thing is with me is i liked hanging with different people, not just the main people in my group, cos i like talking to loads of different people. But it was nice havin the same people to go back to and sit with and moan with and laugh with.

I only see them once a week now, i guess it's a problem that i live at home instead of in a flat up london but there's not much i can do about it. I think that last yr i didn't mind sleeping on people's floors because we were always going out alot, i was drinking alot and it doesn't really bother you if you're sleeping on a floor or a sofa or the hallway if you're passed out smashed.

And to be honest my friends seem to be fighting alot now, well the ones i used to stay with most of the time are anyway, the other person i used to stay with i don't want to stay with anymore and my other mate is just busy all the time as he's now doing clinics.

So i can't really hang around at uni as much but maybe it'll change as the year goes on. And maybe next year i'll be living with the people i really care about, but that's a long way away yet. I guess things change alot as you grow up, first after school, then college, then your mates from home change when you're at uni then you're uni mates change and then eventually you pray to god that you don't end up alone......... well if you're being a bit dramatic about it.

But things do change, circumstances change, people change, your tastebuds change and your eye colour changes xXx, but you get lucky amoungst all the shit that's goin on. And you don't end up alone if you're man enough to keep what matters to you, and not panic and not put up with people who make you feel bad.

And now some dickhead is telling me to get out of the public computer room. So in typical english fashion, i will live through kicking his arse in my head and in reality, go and get a coke.

Jo napot!

Expect the unexpected

I thought I was in the mood to write something great and memorable but, as I tried, nothing came out so I thought i'd just babble about something that happened to me.

Yesterday was a pretty normal day till about 1 o'clock, I had a really good class in the morning, the first one i've enjoyed for a long time, cos most of my course is just molecular based medical stuff. It's really nothing i'm ever going to have a conversation with anyone about except a teacher or an over enthusiastic goon who actually likes endothelial progenitor cells....... and believe me there are quite a few here. But i'm getting sidetracked.....

After the really interesting lecture which (amoungst more relevant stuff) I learnt that guinea pigs cannot have heart attacks.... not even if you really try to fuck them up, which probably pleased Nicole a bit........... well after that I was just sitting down in my university quad typing a text to Dean when i noticed these 3 people with clipboards looking at me. I just didn't want them to be bible bashing christians hell bent on making me join their cult. Then they started walking over to me and in typical English fashion i was screaming ''FUCK!!'' in my head but doing absolutely nothing in reality.

So this guy sat down next to me and in this Aussie accent was like ''g'day mate! you got 5 minutes?''...... i thought 'no, you can't have any of my minutes please just fuck off and leave me alone'..... to which in reality I replied ''yes of course''. I hate these situations, i can never get those people that want you to sign up to charities or cross country excursions or subsriptions to shoe magazines to leave me the fuck alone. I just have to be polite, which really bugs me.

So he starts sayin all this stuff about he's working for Abercrombie and Fitch and needs people to work in this new store they're opening in London to which I didn't really listen and then he said 'so you'd be working as a model'.......... wha?! a model? Suddenly i'm awake and thinking about how my dad might kick my arse.... then i listen again and the guy was asking me to come to a casting session the next day at 3pm for a chance to work in their store as a model.

I didn't know what to say, but immediately tried to act cool by being sort of disinterested but said i'd come if i had time. And they said i could work there as much or little as i want, and they would give me clothes and discounts for my Girlfriend. So basically i don't know what the fuck is wrong with the world but the guy must have been either drunk or blind or both. And it was a bit worrying that it was a guy that asked me i guess....

So i asked my girlfriend if i should do it and she was like ''yea! do it!! i'd do it without a thought!!''.....quickly followed by.... ''wait, will there be girl models there too?''......yes......which exhibited the response..... ''no, i don't like it''........ so that's a 'yes do it' in bloke speak....... but with a cue for me to tell her she is the most beautiful girl i've ever seen.... and she is, but she will never believe this because thats what girls do..... but it's ok.... because she'll give me more cues to tell her this and i will never ever stop saying it, because it's the truth ;)

So anyway i gotta go to a lecture on endothelial progenitor cells and vascular repair....... and then to this interview..........

I've already had comments about this, which is partly due to the fact i told everyone and partly cos half of them are jealous...... i can't even afford the clothes they sell in this shop anyway!!! The best one was ''so they need models for the new kids range then?'' as i'm not the tallest bloke in the world, certainly not model tall.... but it takes all sorts i guess.... whatever floats your boat.

So wish me luck people........ xXxXx szeretlek älskling.

all forms of pain are bad

I am hurting. I mean i am really aching. I don't normally complain after i've played football cos i always ache after i play football but fuck me. I haven't hurt this much since i got stung by a wasp in Hungary this summer, and that hurt, alot!

I mean its not just my legs, i feel sick, i feel like i've drunk a few litres of stale milk, it's fuckin horrible. My feet feel as if someone has taken sandpaper and an axe to them. I can't really think about anything at the moment because my brain is tired to. My legs burst with pain everytime my heart decides it's gonna wake the fuck up and pump some blood down into them and it is similar to being punch all over your body, like when you have a dead leg, well like that but everywhere! Even my arse didn't get away, i 'took one for the team' so to speak and blocked a shot fired at point blank range, and it ended up smashing into my right butt cheek.

And i made the mistake of picking my socks in the dark this morning, and i chose the new socks my girlfriends mum bought for me. Winney the Pooh socks. Yea. So they took the piss out of me for that at football. Lost a man card or two, one for each sock.

Right i'm gonna try and eat now but its going to be a mission. I think a mcdonalds would be fine after the pain i've been through....

laters potaters :p